So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
