I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
