A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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