So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
