please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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