I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
