the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize