Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
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