Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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