If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have already put on my inside pants.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize