his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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