girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
