Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
