"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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