SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Even my vagina gasped.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I did not marry a roomba.
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