I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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