I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wish you could order shots online.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
