ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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