Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
