At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize