Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
