he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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