I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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