This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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