I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
