I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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