he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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