from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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