This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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