At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
