I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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