there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
