Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
