Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
