so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
