Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize