Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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