i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
