you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
