This is not my ceiling
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
