yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
