dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
