70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
