On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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