You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
