On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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