My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
