mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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