do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
