Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
