You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
