I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
