I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
