she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
