He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
