My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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