I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize