Kiss
Puke
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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