How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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