I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
